


Consolation

by MidoriKurenaiYume



Series: Future (Mirai) [1]
Category: Fate/Zero, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Betaed, Dialogue, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friendship, Implied character death (off-screen)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-24 23:44:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12023589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidoriKurenaiYume/pseuds/MidoriKurenaiYume
Summary: Gilgamesh and Arturia discuss what cheating means and from there, proceed to talk about their future life.





	Consolation

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: some themes mentioned in this fic are not very happy ones. All of my stories have parts (sometimes very small ones) that are based on things that really happened in my life, but this one more than usual, so it's kind of important to me.  
> Thank you so much to MimiBlue for her editing!!
> 
> Title: from a wonderful Kalafina song, title track of the album 'Consolation' ;)

…

…

…

...

“Well done, Illya. You’re free to go now.”

The child clapped in delight and put away her completed homework to run outside and play on the swing, something she had longed to do ever since she had come home from school. But Arturia, having accompanied her herself, would only allow that if the six-year-old girl finished her simple homework first.

As the large library had only small windows, there was no view to the garden and, since the blonde woman meant to keep a watchful eye on Illya, she moved to one of the spacious living rooms of the Einzbern mansion. From there she could see the child as she swung up and down and enjoyed herself.

She was so engrossed in looking at the little girl that she did not realize that there was already someone in the room.

“Not even a greeting, Arturia?”

She turned her head abruptly, surprised at first, but definitely not alarmed when she recognized who it was. She was all too familiar with him by now.

“You know very well that I didn’t see you, Gilgamesh. I didn’t even know you were here, actually. But, since you insist, good afternoon – although I will point out that you didn’t greet me either.”

He smirked at her, before standing up from the couch and joining her next to the window, his hands in his pockets. His expression changed when he spotted Illya outside.

“You went to pick up the girl from school, I presume?”

Arturia knew that his bored tone wasn’t an accurate reflection of his feelings because, in spite of his better judgement, even Gilgamesh had been taken in by Illya’s charm. She was a happy yet not obnoxious child with a quick intelligence, and on the last few rainy days – when she had been playing indoors – the blond man had deigned himself to give her advice on the solving of some children’s games. Even though he still scoffed at her more often than not, Illya adored him.

Gilgamesh owned the shares of several of the biggest companies in the world, something that enabled him to have very little work to do himself while granting him steady – and substantial – incomes. He was distantly related to the Einzbern family and, due to Irisviel’s schemes, it hadn’t taken long before he was given unrestricted access to the mansion.

Irisviel, who was the only remaining Einzbern after her elderly father’s death, had gotten married to Kiritsugu Emiya a few years before, and Illya was their beloved daughter. The white-haired woman was Arturia’s childhood friend, and she had found Gilgamesh’s obvious interest in her very amusing. And since she was related to him, she had made a point of inviting him over very often, until he was there constantly, more days than not. Irisviel had been rewarded in her efforts when the reserved Arturia had finally started to warm up to Gilgamesh and a tentative – more or less – friendship had begun to bloom between them.

Right now, however, Irisviel couldn’t focus on her friend, because her young daughter needed her attention, as did her health. A shadow crossed over Arturia’s face, because she knew that the white-haired woman’s health issues were far more serious than anyone was aware of; but she was quick to hide her troubled expression, as she did not want to face Gilgamesh’s questions.

On this specific day, Irisviel was at the hospital to undergo some tests, and that was why Arturia had gone to pick up Illya from school in her stead.

In reply to Gilgamesh’s question, the blonde woman nodded, explaining, “Irisviel had to do some check-ups at the hospital, and Kiritsugu was busy, so I offered to look after Illya for today.”

The blond man frowned slightly. He knew a bit about the woman’s health problems, but the fact that the girl’s own father couldn’t be bothered to pick her up from school – considering that he had only occasional work on the weekends and never on weekdays – was preposterous.

Understanding his expression, Arturia continued, “Kiritsugu merely said he didn’t have time today. He accompanied Irisviel to the hospital, then left.”

Gilgamesh inclined his head to the side slightly, briefly throwing a glance to the child still outside, who was blissfully unaware of the subjects of their conversation.

Then, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he simply asked, “Has he cheated on her yet?”

Arturia snapped her head up to stare into his crimson eyes, her green ones wide in indignation.

“Gilgamesh, how _dare_ you insinuate something like that!”

He turned away, going back to lying down on the couch. His gaze seemed lost in the distance.

“I’m only stating a fact, Arturia. He is the kind of man who wouldn’t stay loyal to the one he loves.” His eyes focused on her with an unreadable look, but she was too affronted to notice the significance of his gaze. “He probably has a lover already.”

Arturia glared at him, starting to become angry.

“Gilgamesh, this is–”

He interrupted her, sharply staring back at her, “Arturia, don’t tell me you didn’t notice the signs. The fact that you are not reacting as strongly as you normally would means that you at least suspect this already.”

Her anger fading, Arturia returned his stare with one of her own, filled with tumultuous emotions. As much as she loathed facing the truth in this case, she had become too close with Gilgamesh to try to lie to him.

Voice becoming unemotional, she finally admitted, after several seconds of silence, “…I did.”

She had refused, more than once, to let her thoughts linger on a few choice details in Kiritsugu’s behaviour, perhaps minor and inconsequential details, but ones she had not been able to avoid noticing nonetheless.

She did _not_ want to believe what her investigative mind had started to put together, because Irisviel was her friend, and the last thing she wished on her friend was to be cheated on. But now… now that Gilgamesh was pointing out the same, she was in a dilemma.

Gilgamesh was one of the keenest people she knew; if he had noticed something and was telling her about it, it meant that, regrettably, she had not been imagining it.

Seeing her conflicted emotions – which showed far too easily on her face – he sighed and added, “I will acknowledge that I have no proof though.”

She seemed a little surprised by his admission, therefore he rectified, “Not that there is any need for it. He’s not being faithful, and he’s not even being particularly subtle about it.” His eyes had a strangely serious look in them. “It won’t take long for your friend to find out.”

At the thought of Irisviel’s future agony at the discovery, Arturia’s heart constricted in pain inside her chest. She had no proof that what she was discussing with Gilgamesh was valid either, but she at least knew that he would not have been discussing it at all if it were merely a supposition.

Slightly overwhelmed, she found the second couch and sat down, making sure to still be able to see the garden and maintain her watch on Illya.

And Illya–… oh, no. She was only six years old…

Before she could get lost in her worrisome thoughts, Gilgamesh cleared his throat, patently reminding her that he was a demanding person, and he was demanding her attention now.

“You seem to be very determined against cheating, Arturia. Does your friend share your views?”

Arturia looked at him in confusion. Why the sudden inquiry? Studying him briefly, she decided to consider the question in earnest.

“I… think so, yes. Irisviel wouldn’t condone cheating.” She took a deep breath, understanding that they were still talking in a hypothetical way, as if Kiritsugu’s probable affair weren’t the truth. “Even though I understand that there can be various reasons for cheating and every circumstance is different, I don’t think Irisviel to be the kind of person to forgive and forget such an occurrence, especially since her daughter’s happiness is involved.”

Gilgamesh’s penetrative stare would have made her uncomfortable if she hadn’t been concentrating on her friend, but his next words made her shift her focus back onto him.

“Would you ever be able to accept it, if the person in a relationship with you cheated?”

She held his gaze steadfastly. She knew that the question wasn’t simply posed because of curiosity; he was likely confirming to himself what he had already deduced about her – and since she was well aware of his fixation on her, perhaps he also meant to understand something more specific about her own behaviour in such a situation.

As strange as it was, even though she was usually rather reserved when it came to herself, she didn’t feel uncomfortable at all about giving him an honest answer. Would she have attempted to clear up the situation, talk through things, if she discovered that her significant other lied to her in such a manner?

“No, I’m afraid not. Would _you_ accept it?”

His expression was stern, and there was a hint of steel in his eyes.

“Never, Arturia.”

He always did this. Whenever they talked about something – in the case at present, something as delicate as Kiritsugu and Irisviel’s relationship – he always brought forth a question about herself, about what she would or would not want in a personal relationship. She knew that it was now referred to a possible relationship she could have with _him_ , and that was why he was so blunt in answering to her retorts.

But she couldn’t think about any possible relationship that went beyond a cautious friendship with him. She _wouldn’t_.

Rather quickly, she stood up and walked to the window, seeing that it was slowly getting darker.

“I’ll go take Illya inside.”

She was already out of the room, but his voice still reached her, “You can’t run from me forever, Arturia.”

She halted for a second, but then resumed walking.

“I’m not running,” she muttered, knowing that he would hear her.

She was also well aware of the fact that her reply was a lie.

…

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…

...

_One year later_

...

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…

As she arrived home, at her simple but refined studio apartment, she was surprised to see that Gilgamesh had just arrived there as well, but she invited him in nonetheless. His visits to her place had become as frequent as those to the Einzbern mansion, even though during the past weeks they had seen less of each other.

Arturia was rather tired, since a few days before, Irisviel’s divorce from Kiritsugu had been finalized. The white-haired woman had been given custody of Illya, and of course Arturia had stood with her friend until everything was seen through.

Gilgamesh knew about the general matters; as _he_ had predicted, it hadn’t taken long for Irisviel to find out about her husband’s affair, and as _Arturia_ had predicted, she had chosen not to let the matter be. Acting in her daughter’s best interest, she had requested full custody of her, because even if Kiritsugu cared about Illya, his lover – and soon-to-be new wife – had a job that required her to travel a lot, and she refused to be saddled with a child. Not that Irisviel would have allowed her daughter to be taken from her just like that, in any case.

However, what Gilgamesh wasn’t happy about was the fact that lately Arturia had been talking with Irisviel – on the phone or directly – far more than usual, and he knew that it wasn’t about the divorce. He wouldn’t have concerned himself with the nature of their talks, if he hadn’t seen a crease of deep distress and worry appear on the blonde woman’s face more and more often during the past weeks.

Therefore, the main reason why he had come on this day was that he knew she would be alone and – aside from having some time with her all to himself – he was planning on demanding an explanation. Something had obviously been upsetting her deeply, and he would not stand for not knowing what it was.

Arturia was, of course, unaware of his hidden motives; she simply let him in as she always did, and went to make tea while he took a seat on her small couch. There was enough tentative camaraderie between them for her to merely shake her head at his usual, displeased frown because her couch wasn’t as comfortable as he would have liked it to be.

Putting the water to boil, she said, too tired to be fully aware of what she was revealing, “Enjoy that _uncomfortable_ couch as long as it’s there, because when I move out, I won’t be taking it with me.”

His interest piqued, he sat a little straighter.

“You are moving out?”

Realizing the implications of what she had said, Arturia froze for a second, but then relaxed. She wasn’t speaking to a complete stranger; she was talking with _Gilgamesh_. And even though she had not meant to tell him about her plans for the future, he was staring at her, _listening_ to her, waiting to hear what she had to say.

Right on the same day, Irisviel had given her permission to talk about it to anyone; since he was the first person she would have told anyway, it might as well be now.

Her back to him, she stared at the water that was heating up and clarified, “This place is too small for more than one person. I will not be alone anymore in a short while, therefore I will be moving out.”

With a sudden, harsh movement, he was on his feet, and his intensity took her aback as he appeared at her side in less than a second.

“Who, Arturia? _Who_ is the mongrel that will be moving in with you!?”

Startled, she turned around abruptly, only to find him next to her, and she was even more surprised by the fury and rather ill-concealed jealousy she could see in his flashing eyes.

Her reply was immediate, words escaping her lips before she could think them through.

“Gilgamesh, don’t make assumptions – you know very well that I am in no relationship!”

He narrowed his eyes.

“Are you moving in with Irisviel then? Or a former schoolmate…?”

She shook her head, still surprised by his deep concern in the matter.

His eyes suddenly widened and he looked even more thunderstruck and furious as he stared down at her belly.

“Wait, are you…?”

“I’m most certainly _not_ pregnant!” she cut him off, now starting to get angry as well. He was seriously overstepping his boundaries!

She took a deep breath to remain calm. “Gilgamesh, for heaven’s sake, _calm yourself_ _!_ If you had let me talk, I would have clarified everything by now!”

He stared at her with suspicion.

“Is it a pet then?”

Arturia rolled her eyes.

“Are you, or are you not, going to let me explain? And stop being so accusatory!”

He finally gave a reluctant nod and, since the water was already boiling at this point, she turned the stove off and carefully poured tea into two mugs. She didn’t have any wine, unfortunately, even though she knew very well that it was Gilgamesh’s preferred drink.

It was rather unusual for him to lose his composure like this. He was often arrogant, bored, amused and sometimes even outrageously rude, but never irrational. Yet just the mentioning of her moving in with someone had made him snap into a blind rage.

She kept her voice as detached as possible while setting the pot down and taking one of the mugs up to her lips.

“You must have certainly noticed my long conversations with Irisviel recently. I know you probably came here to inquire about them, as you have already realized that they are not about the divorce.”

She took a deep breath, her eyes flickering briefly, and she was glad that he couldn’t see her face. “Irisviel is terminally ill. She has only weeks left to live.”

Even though she had had months to come to terms with it, she couldn’t stifle her profound sadness, nor did she attempt to. Countless nights of grief and tears were not going to help; she had been forced to realize that it was inevitable, but it had still been an unforeseen blow when the white-haired woman, her closest friend, had been diagnosed.

Gilgamesh didn’t say a word and she didn’t look at him. Then he leaned forward, taking the mug from her hands – she was glad to see that she had sufficient self-control to prevent them from shaking – posing his own hand on her shoulder lightly and guiding her to the couch, making her sit down next to him and only then giving her her tea back.

She gratefully took a sip again, still without looking up at him even though she was feeling much more at ease now that she was sitting down, and took another deep breath.

“I’m going to adopt Illya,” she softly continued. “All the documents are ready, already signed by Irisviel who is luckily her sole custodian, and Illya knows everything.”

Arturia delicately avoided speaking of the child’s miserable state ever since she had found out the truth, not to mention her own anger at Kiritsugu’s complete lack of empathy in the matter: if not about Irisviel, he should have at least cared about his daughter.

She focused again, looking at her studio flat. “This is a single room; it’s good enough for me, but not for two people – especially if one of them is a still growing child. Irisviel is going to sell the Einzbern mansion to pay for a treatment to prevent Illya from having the same disease, because it is unfortunately genetic and therefore it’s entirely possible for her to have it as well.”

Gilgamesh was rather displeased at not having been informed earlier about everything that had apparently already been settled, but he could also reluctantly understand why it had been so.

However, he found it ridiculous that she hadn’t thought of another solution to the problem of the moving.

“You could come and stay at _my_ place with the child,” he suggested, rather matter-of-factly.

Arturia stared at him in surprise, and then shook her head. She knew that he owned a large mansion that closely resembled a castle, even though he spent little time in actually _staying_ there.

“I’m not going to live with you just like that, Gilgamesh. We are not in a relationship.”

His crimson eyes spoke volumes, as a small, lazy smirk on his lips was not enough to take away the serious tone of their conversation.

“We _could_ be, Arturia.”

But, as always, she was firm in her refusal.

“From now on, I am going to have to give my full attention to _Illya_ , and _not_ pursue any kind of other personal bond.”

He narrowed his eyes.

“Are you saying you wouldn’t be able to manage _both_ _?_ ”

“No, I…” She struggled for words, and it did take her a short pause to recollect herself. “I am saying that I wouldn’t be able to give them both my full energy and attention. I have to _choose_ on what to focus,” she clarified, hoping he would stop staring at her with such intensity.

“Do you, Arturia?”

His eyes were flashing dangerously, and she couldn’t help averting her own.

She could not tell him that she didn’t believe she was suited for any kind of romantic relationship. What she did was focus on others, on the people she cared about, making sure they had all they needed – not on herself.

She had never desired anything for herself; she had never desired _love_ for herself.

She had come to treasure the time she spent with Gilgamesh, she couldn’t deny that. They could talk about any kind of subject without the need of filters, and she had come to recognize that while he scoffed and teased her about many things, he did care about her very deeply.

However – that didn’t mean that she would put that steady companionship at stake only for a flimsy _chance_ at something more.

Taking another deep breath, she said firmly, “I don’t know how I managed to obtain your friendship, Gilgamesh, but I do not intend to put it at risk, as it means a lot to me.”

When she finally decided to meet his gaze, it was so penetrant that she had to fight to hold it.

“You have far _more_ than my friendship, Arturia, and you know it very well.”

He leaned closer, examining her eyes attentively.

“You believe it will not work out,” he realized.

She acknowledged it with a slight nod.

“I can’t deny that I think such an outcome very likely, yes.”

He made as if he wanted to stand up, but then changed his mind and leaned closer to her again, a small smirk appearing on his lips.

“I see that you have actually given it some thought.”

She suddenly felt some heat concentrating on her cheeks, not realizing that she had unconsciously given away more than she had meant to say, and he noticed her slight blush as well.

“You _have_ been thinking about a relationship with me,” he said, his words petrifying her because of how accurate they were, no matter how calmly uttered.

“I…” She choked. “I want to look after Illya! I know that–… I know that you want a full relationship, but I can’t give you that – Illya comes first!”

Illya would _always_ come first; Arturia had an obligation towards Irisviel, but she also deeply cared about the girl. She was not going to give Gilgamesh only half of her time when a growing child without a family needed much more attention.

If, and only if, she decided to have a relationship, she wanted to be able to commit fully; but Illya needed her time far more than her own still blooming feelings. She did not mind sacrificing her own desires, as long as it meant caring about the girl.

But she had not taken Gilgamesh’s thoughts into consideration. _He_ was not going to let her sacrifice her feelings so easily, especially since he was their object.

He stood up from the couch, taking his empty mug to the sink, but then changing his mind, once again, and pouring himself some more tea before going to sit down next to her again.

“I will not have you stay at some random place, Arturia. You and the girl are going to be staying with me. And we are not having any more discussions on the subject – my decision is final.”

Seeing her ready to argue in spite of his words, he clicked his tongue.

“As you have admitted that you are not indifferent, I will _not_ allow you to pass this chance up. I want to be together with you no matter what scruples and reservations you may have. I’m not asking you not to fulfil your obligation towards your friend, nor to neglect the child. What I am saying,” he leaned forward so suddenly that his nose brushed against her cheek, “and this is something I _refuse_ to let you argue on, is that I will not allow you to shut me out as you take on these burdens.”

She stared at him incredulously.

“Gilgamesh, do you even realize what you are saying? This would mean that you agree to have Illya always together with us, and you would have to take part in her education as well!”

She didn’t even notice that she was already speaking as if she had accepted his proposal, but _he_ did. Oh, he did.

He lifted his chin as he stared at her firmly, a hint of a smile crossing his features.

“You have no idea what I would accept to do, as long as it meant that I can be with you, Arturia.”

...

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END.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be a sequel to this at some point :)  
> Thank you very much for reading!


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